I have come to realize over the past few years that what we talk about and the people in which we surround ourselves with, makes up who we are. Let’s even take it a step further. The great Buddha reminds us, “what we think, we become.” So, if we have negative thoughts in our mind, we will usually become just a big heaping sack of negativity. And that will translate to our everyday world through our choice of words. Kevin Hall sums it up tremendously in “Aspire! Discovering Your Purpose Through The Power of Words“, which is one of the best books I have ever read.
“Used incorrectly and negatively, they are capable of undermining even the best of intentions. This is true in business, in personal relationships, and every other walk of life. There is a language of success and a language of distress. There is a language of progress and a language of regress. Words sell and words repel. Words lead and words impede. Words heal and words kill.”
I was recently had an eye opening experience with my choice of words. One of my clients from a social media course I teach was showing me gratitude for helping her out with a quick question. I naturally replied with a “no problem”. Sounds quite harmless, right? I mean shoot, I have been saying that since the third grade. In one short minute I leaned a very valuable life lesson.
My client noticed my choice of words and politely recommended I try replacing “no problem” with “my pleasure”. Immediately, I felt defensive. I had no idea I was even saying this in the first place. When you break it down, I was using two negative words, “no and problem”, after someone would thank me for something. What kind of crap is this?!?
At this point, I couldn’t believe I have been using it unconsciously for 20-something years since I would hear the grown ups using it when I was a young lad. Was I supposed to know any better? I sit back and think now of how many situations people may have been turned off from me not speaking the language of success. I decided to do some research and discover some other negative language I was using. The results were quite shocking as I learned this is very common is the majority of people in this country.
I would like to preface this list by saying I am by no means a wordsmith. I have not studied the origins of all these words. My recommended uses of these words are based solely on my experiences. Here are 10 words and phrases that you will be better off without:
“I’ll try” or “Maybe”
Why It’s Detrimental: Most often, when people use these phrases, they don’t want to do something. What does it mean when someone ‘tries’ to make an event? Is it like you have to climb Everest backward and blindfolded to get there? You know when you say this that you are allowing yourself an excuse to wiggle out of something. It gives people an easy way to give up and they can just say “oh well, I tried.” Maybe you will do it, maybe you won’t. Who knows…but everyone will end up knowing you as the person who can’t make a rock solid commitment. My favorite saying to people who say they will try is “You will try or you will be there?” People will also respect you more when you are firm with your commitments and don’t let them cop-out.
Good Replacement: “I have a prior commitment and will look into rearranging my schedule.” or “I will absolutely be there.”
“No problem”
Why It’s Detrimental: This phrase usually follows as a response to someone showing gratitude for something that you did. So as they are giving you a positive praise, you are responding back with two negative words. If there wasn’t a problem in the first place, then why do we even include this word? Throwing it into the mix makes it feel like you had to go out-of-the-way to help them out.
Good Replacement: “It is my pleasure” or “Your welcome, I am happy to help.”
“Um” or “Ah”
Why It’s Detrimental: Back when I was in my college speech class, we recorded our presentations and then we would have to count the amount of times we say “um”. You will be surprised how frequent these “noises” show up. It is a word that has no meaning. It is like the sound of your brain thinking. You are unsure of your words and you use it as a filler until you know what to say next. This also can mean people are uncomfortable with short pauses in their conversation. To break this habit, you must be very aware of the words you use. Think and process every word before it leaves your mouth. Slow down your delivery and act like you have a word bank in your mind that you are choosing from.
Good Replacement: A silent pause between words
“I have to” or “I want to”
Why It’s Detrimental: To have means to possess something. People quite often use this word out of context. Here it means must. What must you ever do? The only thing we must do in life is eat, drink and read Unstrapp’d. Besides that, you have a choice to do anything unless you are being held against your will. Don’t give your power away. When you want something, you are coming out of a place of needing or requiring it. And again, there are very few basic needs we have as human beings. Do you want something just to have it or do you actually deserve it? It is good to reward ourselves when we are deserving it.
Good Replacement: “I choose to” or “I deserve to”
“I hope”
Why It’s Detrimental: Choose not to use the word hope when in reference to something under your control. It gives a feeling in which a situation is out of your hands or that it is unlikely that something will happen. You create your own results in your life. Don’t hope for them, expect them.
Good Replacement: “I expect” or “I plan”
“I can’t afford it”
Why It’s Detrimental: You immediately rule yourself out of an opportunity. You are thinking about a barrier which is usually financial that keeps your from progressing. The problem with this phrase is it allows you to think very shallowly. The only justification you can make is that since there is no money in your bank account, you cannot start your business. But, what is the true cost of passing on an opportunity? In what ways could you have benefited?
Great Replacement: “How can I afford it?” or “You can’t afford not to.”
“Okay”
Why It’s Detrimental: It is a such a neutral word. It really carries no weight. Okay means acceptable or not bad. Using language like this translates to you being unsure and appearing as if you lack confidence. Start incorporating definitive words into your language. Instead of saying “I’m okay”, use powerful affirmative words like “great” or “outstanding”. If something was bad, use a more accurate word that describes the situation. Don’t let yourself look bad by not telling someone how your really feel.
Good Replacement: “I am doing tremendous” or “This is fantastic”
“It’s not my fault”
Why It’s Detrimental: When you defer the blame onto other people, you give away your power. By openly admitting you have made a mistake shows that you are human. People respect when you can accept responsibility because it means you have control over the outcome of a situation. Always be willing to take the blame.
Good Replacement: “You are right, that was my fault. I apologize.” or “Yes he made a mistake, but it could have been avoided if I were to…”
“I hate”
Why It’s Detrimental: Do you really need me to go into much detail here? Even on the small things like hating to do little time-consuming tasks. Using the word hate just has such a negative effect on our lives. We have to start enjoying ourselves, no matter how much we dislike a task. Learn to love the things your hate.
Good Replacement: “I LOVE”
“I know”
Why It’s Detrimental: No, you don’t know because if you did, you would not have gotten things wrong in the first place. When people say this they are not even in tune to the constructive criticism they are being offered. No one likes a know it all. Even if you do actually know the piece of advice someone is sharing, if you ever expect to get it from them again, don’t get defensive and actually listen and accept what they have to say instead of reflecting it back on them.
Good Replacement: “You’re right” or “I understand”
We just scraped the tip of the iceberg here. What are some negative words or phrases that you have heard overused and abused?
Photo cred: Lisa Randolph
